Archive for Group/Team Leaders

When you join GAPRA, you’ll have the opportunity to learn from 10 training calls and Q&As per year. You’ll also get to hear from our handpicked faculty members, including parenting expert Brenda Nixon, M.A., author and parent advocate Sue Scheff, and Internet security consultant Christopher Burgess. We’re excited to have them on board for our special faculty calls, and we’re working on securing additional faculty members to provide expertise and up-to-the-minute insights for you. For details about our faculty members to date, visit http://www.gapraconnect.com/faculty/.

If you want to learn even more about GAPRA, please join our GAPRA Informational calls. The informational and Q&A calls are the best way to find out everything you need to know about the valuable resources we’ve assembled for schools, youth organizations and all of their staff, parents and volunteers.

Join us for these free informational calls:

September 14 — “How to Affordably Equip Your Entire Community to Prevent Emotional Bullying with GAPRA Membership”

September 22 — Q&A about GAPRA

Click here to find out more and register today!

Get these calls and recordings free, and you will be one step closer to preventing relational aggression in your school or youth organization.

Aug
25

Learn About GAPRA 9/14 and 9/22!

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Hello, all! Blair and Jane here, it’s back to school for everyone, and it’s time to learn more about GAPRA, the Global Alliance for Preventing Relational Aggression.

Visit http://www.gapraconnect.com/media/ to read our news release about GAPRA on the Media page. We’re excited to share this free series of informational and Q&A calls about GAPRA in September, and we hope you’ll join us. The calls (and recordings) are free, and when you attend, we’ll let you know how to get a special bonus offer!

So register for that free call now by clicking here!

 

What Would You Do If a Girl Called You a Mean Name?

In a recent When Girls Hurt Girls® workshop, I asked the girls what they would do if they were called a mean name.  A second grade girl raised her hand and answered, “I’d call her a name back.” The revenge strategy is a typical response for girls that age.

Usually, an adult replies to such responses by telling girls, “Don’t do that.” But telling them not to seek revenge doesn’t teach them to do their own thinking.

Helping a Girl by Going Into Curiosity Mode

I recommend making the most of this teachable moment and going into curiosity (not judgmental) mode. The script goes something like this:

You: “So you’d call her a name in return. Hmm, that sounds like an interesting strategy. How would that make you feel?”
Girl: “It would make me feel good.”
You: “I can understand that.  So what do you think might happen next?”

Let’s pause here. Remember, the goal of the curiosity approach is to help the girl think through the consequences of her actions.

The conversation might continue something like this:

Girl: “She might cry, or she might call me the mean name again. She might call me another mean name, too.”
You: “Is that what you want to have happen?”
Girl: “No.”
You: “What do you want to have happen?”
Girl: “I want her to be nice to me.”

Helping Her Defuse the Situation

At this point, you can help guide the girl toward strategies that will help defuse the situation. Two of the best strategies are to ignore the name-calling and to speak up.

When girls ignore the name-calling, they take away the power of the name-calling by not reacting. Speaking up is another great strategy in this situation, because it empowers the target to take matters into her own hands and preserve her dignity as well as offer dignity to the other girl.

The target could respond to the bully with, “When you call me that, I don’t like it. I want you to call me by my name.”  Then, she should walk away.

With girls in second grade and younger, we translate the 3 Ds (Dignity for me, Dignity for you, Defuse the situation) into the 3 Okays: I feel okay, you feel okay and the problem works out okay. Revenge doesn’t achieve the 3 Okays in any bullying situation.

With your coaching, your girls will learn to think through the consequences of their actions. This will help them see that revenge is ineffective and not an okay strategy.

© 2011 A Way Through, LLC

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

 

Hey, everyone! It has been a whirlwind of activity as we launched the Global Alliance for Preventing Relational Aggression in June! We are so excited to share the free audio from the GAPRA Sneak Preview and Q&A calls. On these calls, we discussed what GAPRA is all about and answered questions we received from around the world!
People from California, Florida, Texas, Washington and many other states around the country sent in their questions. We even received a question from the Federated States of Micronesia! Here are some of the questions we covered:
• What is GAPRA?
• How do we join?
• What does it cost to join GAPRA?
• How will GAPRA help elementary schools?
• How will GAPRA help parents and teachers to work cooperatively?

It was really energizing to connect with others who share our passion for preventing relational aggression!  We received many comments like “I’m so psyched about this program!” We couldn’t agree more! If you’re involved in a school setting or youth organization, please take advantage of the free audio so you can learn more about GAPRA today!

When it comes to relational aggression (RA), a.k.a. emotional bullying, many schools and youth organizations don’t know what to do. It’s easy to make mistakes, and yet the training needed to effectively address RA can be expensive. Besides, wouldn’t it be great if we could prevent RA and the scars it leaves on a child’s self esteem?

Based on feedback from you and other principals, teachers and youth organization leaders, there’s an affordable RA prevention training solution on its way! You’re the first to learn about:

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GAPRA

The Global Alliance for Preventing Relational Aggression

Hope and Help for Targets, Bullies and Bystanders of Emotional Bullying.

www.gapraconnect.com

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We can’t wait to unveil the details to you on this important call on June 15, 2011!!

When Girls Hurt Girls® Helps Educators Start Relational Aggression Prevention in Kindergarten
Free Live Teleclass for Educators, Counselors and Youth Groups

Relational aggression (a.k.a. RA or emotional bullying) can begin among girls as young as 2.5 years old. Early prevention is the key to happy, well-balanced girls, and educators, counselors and youth group leaders can get the help they need to start young girls off right. On Thursday, March 3, 2011, at 3:30 p.m. central time, A Way Through, LLC, will conduct the second of two content-rich calls focused on helping young girls through friendship problems. Register now for “When Girls Hurt Girls®: 3 Compelling Reasons to Start RA Prevention in Kindergarten (And How to Do It Right)” at www.awaythrough.com/teleclass. The live teleclass is free; the audio/transcript download is available for $5. 

“Most people think of relational aggression as a ’tween or teen problem, but research indicates that relational aggression starts as young as age 2.5. As soon as girls start making friends, their emotionally charged wiring can result in emotional bullying,” said Jane Balvanz, an elementary school counselor and co-founder of A Way Through, LLC. “Fortunately, girls this age and in kindergarten through grade 2 are very open to adult guidance, so it’s a great time to share the tools and techniques they need to work through their own issues.”

“As adults, we must stop swooping in to solve problems for our girls. This sends them the wrong message — that we don’t trust in their abilities,” said Blair Wagner, co-founder of A Way Through, LLC. “Instead, let’s work with them to nurture their self confidence. Let’s help them groom their social skills, so they can speak up, think of others’ feelings, and become independent problem solvers who can manage anything life throws at them.”

With this teleclass, A Way Through celebrates the completion of its curricula for When Girls Hurt Girls® Grades K-2, 3-5 and 6-8. The Grades K-2 curriculum will be complete in March with the release of the Audio CDs and Role Play Cards to accompany the K-2 Parent Pack. These age-appropriate materials introduce two new techniques that enable educators and parents to coach girls who are not yet able to read and provide responses that allow girls to think and feel for themselves.

Those who attend the teleclass will learn how to receive a limited time offer on these materials. Register for the teleclass and purchase the teleclass transcript and audio files at www.awaythrough.com/teleclass.

About A Way Through, LLC

A Way Through, LLC, equips educators and parents to guide girls in grades K-8 through painful friendships. The company developed When Girls Hurt Girls®, a series of CDs, educational guides and other products, to empower girls to solve their own friendship problems. A Way Through also offers workshops for schools, youth organizations and others to help educators, parents and girls handle the difficult situations girls face with relational aggression. For details, see www.AWayThrough.com.

Resolution #1:  I resolve to stand up for myself.

Resolution #2:  I resolve to pay attention to which friends feel good to be around and which friends don’t.

Resolution #3:  I resolve to walk away from situations I don’t want to be part of.

Resolution #4:  I resolve to think about what I want in a friend.

Resolution #5:  I resolve to smile at girls who don’t have friends.

Resolution #6:  I resolve to be a Positive Active Bystander™ when I see bullying.

Resolution #7:  I resolve to practice using a strong voice.

Resolution #8:  I resolve to ask for friendship help from a trusted adult when I need it.

Resolution #9:  I resolve to be honest with my friends.

Resolution #10:  I resolve to trust my gut over what anyone else says.

Resolution #11:  I resolve to stand tall.

Resolution #12:  I resolve to avoid negative text messages.

Resolution #13:  I resolve to do what feels right to me.

Resolution #14:  I resolve to try out new friends.

Resolution #15:  I resolve to say goodbye to friendships that aren’t healthy for me.

Resolution #16:  I resolve to ask questions when I realize I’m making assumptions.

Resolution #17:  I resolve to let go of sarcasm.

Resolution #18:  I resolve to speak up instead of get revenge.

Resolution #19:  I resolve to say how I feel.

Resolution #20:  I resolve to respect myself as much as I respect my friends.

Resolution #21:  I resolve to look for friends who treat others kindly.

Resolution #22:  I resolve to ignore negative gestures.

Resolution #23:  I resolve to stick with friends I can trust.

Resolution #24:  I resolve to be open to making lots of friends.

Resolution #25:  I resolve to avoid gossip and rumors.

Resolution #26:  I resolve to stay away from friends who manipulate and use relational aggression.

Resolution #27:  I resolve to keep others’ secrets private.

Resolution #28:  I resolve to talk to girls who are being given the silent treatment.

Resolution #29:  I resolve to never say, “Just kidding.”

Resolution #30:  I resolve to be myself.

© 2011 A Way Through, LLC  

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

We just learned that the When Girls Hurt Girls® Parent Pack from A Way Through, LLC, was named Winner of The National Parenting Center’s 2011 Seal of Approval. This program is an independent testing procedure conducted to judge a variety of products introduced and marketed to the parent/child consumer market.

The review states, “This program empowers girls with realistic responses that are appropriate and effective. There are two wonderfully written guides that are filled with great ideas and examples.”

Click here to read the full review from The National Parenting Center.

A Way Through is honored to receive this award, which we dedicate to girls everywhere!

Hi, there. Through emails to our VIP list, we completed a four-week exploration into how to guide grades K-2 girls to become independent friendship problem solvers. Their success depends on these 5 Key Friendship Skills:

  • Skill #1 — Self Trust
  • Skill #2 — Decision-Making
  • Skill #3 — Assertiveness
  • Skill #4 — Bullying Refusal
  • Skill #5 — Conflict Resolution

Read on for a complete recap of all 5 skills!

If you haven’t already, you’ll want to make sure you register for our F-R-E-E telelcass event on Tuesday, November 16, where we’ll share more information.  It’s easy!  Just click this link to reserve your seat on this call.  

http://www.awaythrough.com/teleclass3.htm

NOTE: Use this same link to register for our FREE teleclass on March 3, 2011, also!

During this FREE 45-minute teleclass by phone on November 16th, you will find information on “When Girls Hurt Girls®: How to Guide Grades K-2 Girls Through Painful Friendships and Emotional Bullying.”

Friendship Skill #1: Self Trust 

The foundation of building thriving friendships for all girls (and women) is Self Trust.  In order to connect with others who will feed them with healthy interactions, young girls need to learn how to trust their inner guidance system.  This shows up in the form of gut hunches, intuition, a voice in their head.  They learn what and who feels right for them, and what/who doesn’t.

When girls as young as kindergarten learn to trust their inner guidance system, they tap into the inner knowing that will help them choose friends wisely.  They’ll learn that if it feels bad, it is bad.  Self Trust helps young girls identify if there is a problem.  This is a great jumping off point to the second key skill, Decision Making.  

Friendship Skill #2: Decision-Making

Once our girls have developed self trust, they must then make a decision to do something about a friendship that feels bad.  Lingering in its uncomfortable feelings and negative energy makes for an unhappy girl. Through your guidance, she can come to understand she has options in the matter.  She does not have to stay stuck in the hurt. There is really something she can do about it!  A K-2 girl can and will learn there are several choices she can make concerning friendship woes.  When suitable choices are laid out for her, she can learn to decide which options feel comfortable to her.

A grade K-2 girl who has honed her decision-making skills knows there is a way through painful friendships. With practice, she can come to think of her own options. Soon enough she will become confident in deciding what to do.  The world opens wide for the girl who becomes skilled in the art of decision making.  One of the keys to developing high self-esteem is understanding a decision must be made and then making it.  That’s an element of personal power!

Friendship Skill #3: Assertiveness

We’ve said (1.) Self-trust will help a girl know that if a friendship feels bad, it probably is bad, and (2.) Decision-making is the next process she must go through to choose what she will do about it.  Assertiveness (#3) is the quality she needs to carry the decision out.  It implies confidence.  A girl who has made a decision to do something about a hurtful friendship must now take a step to do so.  With assertiveness, she carries out her decision.  Even one who is reluctant to speak up to her friend can do so with assertiveness. 

Practice will help.  With your help, your daughter or student can rehearse what she is going to say or do to stop the hurt.  And when she does this, whether her voice is quiet and shaky or bold, her confidence will grow.  Each time she practices, she will improve.   Assertiveness doesn’t come easily to everyone.  It is something that can be grown and cultivated.  Believe us.  This can and will happen!

Friendship Skill #4: Bullying Refusal

Many young girls don’t have enough experience to realize they don’t have to accept bullying.  When it happens, they don’t know what to do. Either they don’t know how to respond, or they don’t know they can respond.  When a girl is blind-sided by her first bullying experience, she may believe she has to do what the bully says or accept what was said or done.

It’s difficult to prepare kids for everything they could possibly encounter in life.  It’s tricky with bullying, because when introducing bullying prevention, there is a delicate balance.  While we don’t want to plant seeds of fear, we do want our girls to have a “heads up.”  There’s a natural route to take.  When sharing literature, movies, or family TV time, talk about any bullying situations that come up.

Discuss who the bully is and who is the target of the bullying.  Let your child know that the target can refuse bullying. There is something that can be done when bullying happens.  A target can refuse, or say no to bullying, in several ways.  Keep examples simple: tell the bully to stop or walk away or get help.  The clear message your child should get is that she can refuse bullying.  It is not something she has to endure.

Friendship Skill #5: Conflict Resolution

Conflicts are problems between and among people.  They are part of human nature, because we all are unique and have our own perspective on things.  Conflict is natural, and it is neither good nor bad.  Let’s teach our young girls this very point. 

Let them know that when there is a problem between people, the problem can usually be worked out.  Listening to another to really understand helps problems between friends.  Talking about differences also helps.  Walking away from conflict when it becomes too much to handle offers a cooling off period.  Don’t forget about taking a time out, too.  Frame the time out as a good thing to do for yourself when you need space.  It’s not about giving oneself consequences for having a problem with someone.  It’s about making space for thinking about what to do.

Girls who learn how to solve conflicts usually have fewer problems with bullying.  Teach the difference between having a problem with a friend and being bullied.  Girls with equal power can have a conflict but often call each other bullies.  Two friends who usually squabble about many things are not necessarily bullying each other.  They are having a conflict when they disagree.  Things change, though, when one asks the other to stop an unwanted behavior, and the behavior continues.  When the behaviors are one-sided, unwanted, and usually occurring more than once, there is a power imbalance.  That is bullying.

© 2010 A Way Through, LLC  

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

Everyone who educates, counsels or parents girls kindergarten through grade 2 is invited to register for a free teleclass series about emotional bullying (relational aggression) in girls. On Tuesday, November 16, 2010, at 3:30 p.m. central time, A Way Through, LLC, will conduct the first of two content-rich calls focused on helping young girls through friendship problems. Register now for “When Girls Hurt Girls®: How to Guide Girls (Grades K-2) through Painful Friendships and Emotional Bullying” at www.awaythrough.com/teleclass3.htm.

“This teleclass series will help anyone — elementary school counselors, administrators and teachers as well as parents — guide kindergarten through grade 2 girls to solve their own friendship problems before they even start,” said Blair Wagner, co-founder of A Way Through, LLC.

“Research shows that relational aggression can start as young as age 2 — when kids start making friends,” said Jane Balvanz, an elementary school counselor and co-founder of A Way Through, LLC. “It makes sense to start at the foundation of girlhood, because early prevention of relational aggression promotes healthy friendships and reduces the damage it can inflict upon children. Plus, girls this age eagerly participate and learn from our techniques.”

Over the past year, A Way Through released curricula for When Girls Hurt Girls® Grades 3-5 and Grades 6-8. This teleclass series will introduce the Grades K-2 materials, which address developmental milestones in young girls and how those milestones relate to friendships. According to the authors, Balvanz and Wagner, the curriculum introduces two new techniques — Whisper Coaching™ and Neutral Talk™ — which enable educators and parents to coach young girls who can’t read and provide responses that allow girls to think and feel for themselves.

“Choosing positive friendships and assertively addressing emotional bullying are skills young girls need to cultivate now, so they can successfully navigate their future,” said Balvanz, who will co-present with Wagner. “We’re excited to answer some questions about girls and painful friendships.”

The new K-2 guidebooks will be available for purchase online at www.awaythrough.com. Those who attend the teleclass will learn how to receive a limited time offer on the Grades K-2 materials. Register for this free 45-minute call at www.awaythrough.com/teleclass3.htm.

About A Way Through, LLC

A Way Through, LLC, enables educators and parents to guide girls in grades K-8 through painful friendships. The company developed When Girls Hurt Girls®, a series of CDs, educational guides and other products, to empower girls to solve their own friendship problems. A Way Through also offers workshops for schools, youth organizations and others to help educators, parents and girls handle the difficult situations girls face with relational aggression. For details, see www.AWayThrough.com.

Untitled Document When Girls Hurt Girls™ Parent Pack

Do you feel unequipped to help your daughter or students navigate painful friendships?

Finally, the instruction manual you need to help your Kindergarten – Grade 8 daughter or students find their way through painful friendships
.


Listen to the program introduction here.

When Girls Hurt Girls™ is a home practice guide for parents who want to help their hurting daughters, but don’t know where to start. It's also PERFECT for use in school or small group settings.

Through loving discussions and role-play exercises, your daughter or students will connect with their personal power and gain the confidence to resolve conflicts and attract the right kind of friendships to their lives.

REMEMBER: Works great for educators and group/team leaders too!  

Untitled Document


Do you need help in guiding your daughter through a difficult friendship situation?

Finally, 1-on-1 personalized help is available to assist you in guiding your daughter through her friendship problems now!

Introducing a new way to get support…

Our new Quick Assist program has been developed for parents who want help that’s tailored to their specific situation. Through no-nonsense strategy sessions, you will gain clarity on what to say to your daughter, what not to say, and how you can become a source of inspiration and support for her.

REMEMBER: Works great for educators and group/team leaders too!  
Click here
to learn more about the Quick Assist package.