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Being Called An Ugly Name

The second grade girls are sitting on the gym floor in rows, their attention honed in on the girl standing in front of them.  She is practicing speaking up to another girl who has just called her an ugly name.

The girl wants to feel brave enough to say something witty and sharp, a comeback.  But what we are teaching her instead are Calmbacks™.

We’re working with her to stand up for herself with power and with dignity – both for herself and for the girl who just called her a hurtful name.  We remind her that the goal is to shrink the problem, not reignite it.

She does well, and everyone claps.

How to Practice Speaking Up With Girls

Girls are hungry for help in dealing with friendship problems.  They crave answers to their questions about bullying, and they LOVE to role play.

When you want to teach girls how to speak up, here are three great tips:

Tip 1:  Practice Puppet Poses

Try out three puppet poses:  Wicked, Rag Doll, and Personal Power.  Tell the girls that they are puppets on strings and you hold the strings.  Have them stand up and follow your movement (with your arm raised).

When you lower your arm, the girls all hunch forward into Rag Doll pose.  When you raise your arm straight, they are tall and straight in Personal Power pose.  When you pull them forward, they lean forward into Wicked pose.

The goal when speaking up is Personal Power pose.

Tip 2:  Practice a Just Right Voice

Practice a Just Right Voice.  Not too soft, not too loud.

Tip 3:  Practice the Right Words

The first word out of her mouth is critical.  It should not be “You.”  It can be “I,” “When we,” “It’s not OK when,” or “It seems like.”  When she’s practiced this thoroughly, she’ll have the right words at the tip of her tongue when she needs them.

Start in Kindergarten

With the rise in relational aggression and bullying among girls we are seeing in our schools, it’s critical that we work with girls beginning in kindergarten.

It’s so much easier for them to learn effective social behaviors when they are young than to try to recover from negative coping skills later on.

© 2010 A Way Through, LLC  

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

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Frequent Flyers

As a school counselor or parent, don’t fall into this trap…

A girl who struggles with a friendship problem goes to her school counselor for support, feels great from the interaction, and returns again later for more support.  The girl can’t seem to solve her problem, and this brings her back for more counseling (which feels good to her).  On and on the cycle continues.

At A Way Through, we call these girls frequent flyers.  Frequent flyers become dependent on an adult for feelings of acceptance and the personal connection they experience when that adult truly listens to them and cares about them.  So they keep coming back for more.

The kicker is that they need their friendship problem to continue in order to justify this ongoing support.

Whose Problem Is It?

We certainly want girls to have adult support and guidance as they maneuver their way through relational aggression situations.  This guidance can be pivotal in pointing them in positive directions for coping with female bullies and everyday friendship issues.

The problem occurs when girls become addicted to and dependent on adult support.  Then, it becomes more important to maintain ongoing friendship struggles than it does to solve them.

What to Say to a Frequent Flyer

What can we say to frequent flyers?  Here are three things you’ll want to communicate clearly:

1.  This is your problem to solve.

2.  I know you can solve it.

3.  I am here to help you when you are ready to solve it.

The unspoken message here is that you will not make yourself available to her if she chooses to stay stuck in her problem.  We hear frequent flyers response to every friendship strategy with, “I’ve tried that.  It didn’t work.  Yeah, I’ve tried that, too.  It didn’t work.”

If she’s really not trying, you can say, “I hear you say that you’ve tried everything and nothing works.  I can’t help you then.  I’m all out of ideas.  Come back when you are ready to choose a strategy, and we can practice it.”

When she does choose a strategy for her problem, practice it with her.  Then, give her a specified length of time to use the strategy before she comes back.

Ask Yourself These Questions

If you struggle with frequent flyers, here are three questions to ask yourself:

1.  Where might my ego be involved in this girl’s continual desire for my help?

2.  What does she seem to want more:  my support or healthy friendships?

3.  Have I done my job in giving her good strategies and the opportunity to practice solving her friendship problem (e.g., role plays)?

As we learn to maintain boundaries for ourselves, we help our girls learn boundaries for themselves. This will help them immensely.  Remember, the goal is to help girls become independent friendship problem solvers.

© 2010 A Way Through, LLC  

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

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The Worst Years?

Standing in line during school registration with my soon-to-be 7th-grade son at his new junior high school, I heard a mother talking to another mom as her daughter stood and listened.  “I remember junior high.  They are the worst years of your life.”  Her daughter replied meekly, “Don’t say that.”

I turned back to face the 12-year old girl, looked her in the eye and said, “My daughter spent two of her favorite years in this very school.  You’ll like it.  She’s in high school now and loves it there also.”  She smiled shyly and said, “Thanks.”  “Just choose your friends wisely,” I added with a smile of my own.

Our Screwed-up Stories

Entering into middle school/junior high is an exciting, yet scary time for many girls.  They are expected to embrace a new level of academic responsibility and are figuring out where they fit in the social structure of their new school.

Knowing this, why do we scare girls with our own emotionally-colored stories of these early teen years?  Many women have hurtful memories of relational aggression, of being excluded, and of generally feeling less than.  Sharing our experiences with other females comes naturally to us.  What we don’t always realize, though, is how negative stories about adolescence negatively pave the way for girls today.

Prepaving

I like to work with girls and women on prepaving an experience they want.  Prepaving is proactively planning an event, a day, a school year – how you’ll feel and what will happen – before the activities literally unfold.  Prepaving is a powerful tool in consciously manifesting how you want things to be.

It’s a simple equation:  Positive attracts positive.  Negative attracts negative.

Here are three effective ways a girl can prepave a great school year:

1.  Visualize

In your mind, see the school year going exactly as you want it to.  Picture yourself having a great time with friends, your classes going smoothly, and your activities being lots of fun.  Give these scenarios lots of detail.  What exactly would each activity and interaction look like?  Do this repetitively in every situation coming up.

2.  Notice Negative Thoughts

When negative thoughts pop into your mind, put your hands in the “time-out” position (like a capital T) and say STOP (out loud if no one is around).  Refocus your thoughts on how you want it to be.

3.  Be Flexible

Know that the actual way things will play out may differ from your visualization.  That’s OK.  What’s important is the essence of your experience and how you feel.  Be flexible and open to fun experiences, however they choose to show up.  And they will.

Junior high can generate many special memories for girls.  Prepaving creates the type of experiences that stay fondly with girls for a lifetime.

© 2010 A Way Through, LLC

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

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Target vs. Victim

Often when people talk about relational aggression, or emotional bullying, they refer to the target as the victim.  I’m not comfortable with using the term “victim” in this way.

Target does not equal victim.  Being a target in an emotional bullying situation means you have been called a mean name, someone started a rumor about you, or perhaps a friend lied to you about plans for the weekend.  Someone is trying to hurt you.  It’s factual and it’s in someone else’s control.

Being a victim is a choice.  Always.  Every time.  Thinking as a victim is a choice of mindset.  No one else can take a girl’s personal power away, but she can certainly give it away.  Living as a victim is taking a position where she’s given up and accepted being helpless.

Girls in all three relational aggression roles (bully, target, and bystander) can feel like victims.  When a girl thinks as a victim, she blames the outer circumstances for what is happening in her world.  It requires focus on unwanted things and prevents her from tapping into her natural state of being – that of a powerful creator.

Overcoming Victimhood

As we help girls move away from seeing themselves as victims in hurtful friendship situations, we need to help them take three important steps:

1.  Acknowledge their Emotions

Developing self awareness is key to shedding victimhood.  When girls learn to identify and name how they feel, they develop their emotional vocabulary.  Once they know how they feel, they’re well on their way to choosing their emotions on purpose, a powerful ability to have in life.

2.  Recognize the Choices They Have

Often girls feel boxed in by pressure from other girls, by fear, and by a perception of limited options.  When girls learn multiple strategies that prove to be effective in response to emotional bullying, they start to look for solutions that help them keep their dignity.

3.  Focus on What They Want, Not on What They Don’t Want

Living as a victim stems from a hard focus on unwanted people and situations.  When girls begin to seek out relationships that nourish them and begin to expect that good things will come their way, they shed the skin of victimhood and step into their own power.

Living as a victim serves as a learning experience.  By experiencing what we don’t want, we give birth to the seed of what we do want.  We have no choice in what happens to us.  We have 100% control of how we think and how we feel and what we do.  Our reaction determines the next set of circumstances we experience.  Being a victim is always a choice.

© 2010 A Way Through, LLC

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

Being Detached

I find it interesting to observe parenting styles of other parents.  I learn a lot about myself by noticing my reaction to others.

Having spent a week in Virginia Beach in the presence other vacationing families, I had the opportunity to see a variety of approaches to a multitude of situations (lost boy in hotel elevator; tired, hungry girl at the pool; crying girl who wants waffles for breakfast every day; angry boy whose brother took his toy; etc.).

And here’s what I’ve noticed… Parents who remain detached from the drama and upsets of their children do a better job of parenting.  Interesting thought, yes?  Why would we want to be detached from our children?  Let’s explore that…

Detachment as a Yoga Practice

Detachment as a yoga practice is the state of not being influenced by other people or personal feelings.

In Manifest Your Destiny, Wayne Dyer teaches that “when you become the observer, you detach yourself from the outcome. You get your ego and everything in the material world out of the picture, and you allow the highest part of you to observe the circumstance. You remove all that inner turbulence, anguish, fear, and anxiety, and you then replace it with the calmness of a detached observer. The minute you sense that calmness, the solution is at hand. You’re not operating from adrenaline or fear or angst.”

As a parent, when I detach from my child’s drama, I do not enter a state of uncaring apathy.  Rather, I become committed to staying grounded in my own sense of well being.  From that place, I am able to effectively help my child and to offer her that same feeling of being centered.

Have you ever watched a parent who gets upset, angry, or embarrassed when her child is screaming in public?  It’s uncomfortable to watch.

Have you watched a parent who remains calm even when his child is causing a scene?  This parent’s reaction acts as a salve to the child’s turbulent emotions.

How to Cultivate Detachment from Your Daughter’s Friendship Problems

When your daughter is struggling with bullying or friendship problems, here are some tips in achieving appropriate detachment:

  • Don’t get caught up in the drama.  Instead, say, “I can see this is very upsetting to you.  What do you want to have happen?”
  • Don’t try to solve the problem yourself.  Rather, explore appropriate strategies for her situation and let your daughter choose how she wants to handle it.
  • Don’t try to stop her from feeling bad.  Instead, let her have her feelings.  Ask her how it feels when her friend lies to her or excludes her.  Sympathize without getting sucked in to the emotion.
  • Don’t let yourself get upset.  Rather, acknowledge how upsetting this is for her.  Let her know that you are confident she’ll solve this problem and that you will be here to help her through it.

What is easy or hard for you in achieving detachment?  Share your thoughts by commenting on this blog post or sending an email to CustomerSupport@AWayThrough.com.

© 2010 A Way Through, LLC

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

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Being Timid

Wimpy, meek, afraid, cowed, fearful, mousy, spineless, submissive, weak, wishy-washy, hesitant, reluctant.  These are not traits we want our girls to carry with them into womanhood.  Yet many girls are timid when facing another girl who is manipulating, excluding, or lying to them.  Timidity often leads to a low sense of self, victim mentality, or passive aggression.

Guiding Girls

Parents and educators are well positioned to help a girl stand up for herself with dignity in a way that diffuses the friendship problem she faces.  To effectively guide a girl through a painful friendship, we need to help her learn how to think and how to feel, on purpose.  Our job is to teach her that she controls both how she thinks and how she feels – either by default or by conscious choice.

Thoughts and Feelings Before Action

Help your girl get clear on how she wants to think and feel about herself when standing up to a bully in a hurtful friendship situation.  Then, she will be ready to explore the words for responding to the bully.

Using Contrast to Gain Clarity

I find that contrast makes a great teaching tool for girls.  In order to help your girl get clear about how she wants to feel, it is helpful to look at how she does not like to feel.  Here’s a great activity to get her on a positive path…

1.  Take out a sheet of paper.  Label it, “How I want to feel when I stand up for myself.”  Draw a line down the middle of the sheet of paper.  Label the left side “Don’t.”  Label the right side “Do.”

2.  Ask her how she doesn’t like to feel when facing a girl who was mean to her.  She might say things like confused, angry, scared, embarrassed, pushy, or nervous.  Let her choose the words.  If she can’t think of any, offer her a list of negative emotions to choose from.  It’s important that they are her words, not yours.  List her words down the “Don’t” column.

3.  Now, for each negative emotion she’s listed, ask her, “If you don’t want to feel ____, how do you want to feel?”  Write these new, positive words down the “Do” column.  Again, she may need help identifying the words.

Staying in Clarity

Now, totally ignore the “Don’t” list.  Discuss the “Do” list of emotions she said she wants to feel…

  • When have you felt ______ before?
  • Whom have you seen act in a _____ way?  What did they say/do?
  • What would it be like to be able to respond to the bully in a _____ way?

Choosing a Response to the Bully

Once she’s clear on how she wants to feel, she’s ready to choose her response to the bully.  Use role play scripts to practice different words that will bring her the feeling she is going for.

© 2010 A Way Through, LLCWANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

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The Common Story of Female Bullying

042810articleI hear similar stories each week from school counselors, teachers, parents, and community leaders.  Girls are excluding, hurtfully texting, and generally tormenting each other.

I’m torn between feeling saddened for the many girls I know are hurting each day vs. feeling encouraged by the strong position I see communities beginning to take in the face of emotional bullying among their girls.

When Adults Mess Up

As we address female bullying, we need to be mindful of some traps that can trip us up.  Here are two I’ve noticed:

1.  Wanting to solve the problem for our girls

In an age of helicopter parenting, it’s easy to feel responsible for our daughters’ happiness.  What an awful burden this is, until we come to realize it’s not possible.  No one can make anyone else happy.  Happiness is an inside job.

Educators and parents can get caught in the trap of focusing on rules of niceness.  When we pressure our girls to be nice, they lose the opportunity to claim their emotions and to speak up in an effective way.

2.  Ignoring the problem

As we’re seeing from the increase in incidents of bullycide (children killing themselves as a way out of being bullied), the “girls will be girls” mindset is no longer an option.  We must replace this way of thinking that dealing with mean girls is a rite of passage and just the way it is.  It’s not!

What Adults Are Doing Right

As we become savvier in helping girls deal with hurtful friendships, we take on a new posture – the posture of wise mentor.  Here’s what that looks like:

1.  Seeing girls as naturally creative, resourceful, and whole

When we view girls as powerful beings who are capable of creating experiences they thrive in, we energetically offer them pathways that are empowering.

This perspective now comes easily for me as I have watched my own daughter and many other girls transition from seeing themselves as victims to stepping into a self-view of worthy being.

2.  Coaching from the sidelines

Primarily, our job with girls who are bullying and being bullied is to help them behind the scenes.  The real work is theirs.  We can facilitate discussions on what they want out of their friendships and introduce them to strategies that work in situations similar to what they are facing.

Role playing in a safe environment (practicing effective words, tone of voice, and body language) prepares girls for interacting with their peers in ways that result in authentic friendships.

Where We Go From Here

I am honored to be part of the growing movement of adults actively and assertively teaching emotional and social skills to girls.  I dream of the day when girls and women everywhere feel secure in their own skin and come to understand that we can truly have whatever we want in our lives.

© 2010 A Way Through, LLC

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

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033010articleHiding
One of the most heart-breaking stories I hear when I work with girls struggling with friendship problems is when I learn about a girl who eats her lunch in the bathroom at school. 

A girl who eats alone in the bathroom is hiding.  She’s hiding from being called names.  She’s hiding from ugly rumors. She’s hiding from being humiliated.

Invisible
Girls who hide are girls who often slip between the cracks.  These girls become very good at being invisible.  Their coping mechanism is to disappear.  They shrink into themselves and try not to get noticed.

Helping a Hider
Girls who don’t feel safe from emotional bullying at school are girls we have let down.  And it doesn’t have to be this way.

The best gift you can give a “hider” is a two-fold message:

 1. You are not alone.

A girl feels alone in her exclusion.  She comes to believe that she is the only one with these friendship problems.  She thinks there must be something wrong with her. What seems obvious to us as adults is painfully missing in a girl’s perspective:  that all girls feel insecure in their friendships at some time.

The journal of School Psychology indicates that over 150,000 children stay home from school each year due to relational aggression.  Most of these are girls.  By letting a girl know that many others have struggled with (and solved) painful friendship problems, you offer a new perspective of possibility.

2.  You have choices.

It’s so important for a girl to be heard and to be understood.  That’s where our deep sympathy of her problem needs to end.  At this point, we have more to offer a girl when we no longer see her problem as a problem.  A girl who is being mentored by an adult coming from a place of strong connection to his/her source with a laser focus on finding what feels good is a girl who will learn to solve her problem quicker.

Showing a girl that she has choices is showing her how to move from being stuck to becoming an independent problem solver.  As adults, we cannot help her see choices when we are stuck in her problem with her.  We must stay out of the drama and pain and offer an objective view of problem solving.

I’ve found that exploring choices together (in response to emotional bullying) and letting the girl choose one that feels comfortable to her works well.  For example, some girls will choose to ignore the bullying, some will choose to speak up, some will choose to keep it light.  All of these can be great options.  And a girl will only become aware of them if she is able to see that she has choices.

Coming Out of the Bathroom

When a girl learns to assert herself as the one in charge of her feelings and her friendships, she emerges from the bathroom.

© 2010 A Way Through, LLC

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

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Female Bullying Questions from Girls

022310articleI wish I knew what to do when…

“People tell false things about me on the internet.”

“Rumors are going around about me or my friends.”

 “I’m texting somebody and she starts calling me names, or on Facebook.”

“Rumors are spreading about someone that I know and I know that they are not true.”

“People say stuff about my family.”

 “People tell your worst secret that was a bad memory that was PERSONAL!”

These are just some of the questions I heard recently during four student assemblies with 5th – 8th graders.  Girls are hungry for the words and actions that will stop female bullying.

3 Strategies

When a girl is targeted by relational aggression, such as the examples above, she will do well if she remembers these three things:

  1. There is a time to ignore.
  2. There is a time to speak up.
  3. There is a time to get help.

Ignoring works well in a situation where the bullying is new, the severity is minor, and there is no established bullying pattern between the bully and the target.  By ignoring, a girl is not adding fuel to the fire.

Speaking up is challenging for many girls.  Some girls are afraid of making the situation worse by talking to the bully and are uncomfortable being assertive.  Other girls come across as too aggressive, and the threatened bully then escalates the situation.

Speaking up can be very effective at diffusing an emotional bullying situation if it is done well.  When a targeted girl looks for words that will help the bully back down while saving face, her words have a bigger chance of stopping future bullying.  The key is a combination of being strong and self-assured while providing a way out for the bully.  Here are some examples of phrases girls can use to speak up for themselves while offering a way for the bully to back down.

  • I know you have the power to stop the rumor.
  • I’m not trying to threaten you.  I just want you to know that I know what’s going on and I don’t like it.
  • A mistake has been made and I’m asking you to fix it.
  • I don’t want to fight with you.
  • I’m asking for your help.

Often speaking up does not create a change immediately.  A bully may not take the graceful way out.  She may reply with sarcasm, a threat, or indifference.  However, it is important for targeted girls to know that when they continually stand up for themselves and offer a bully a way out, they make themselves a smaller target.  Girls who bully think twice about picking on strong girls who stay away from drama.

Getting help should be the last resort for smaller bullying situations (minor name calling, secret sharing, possessiveness, teasing, etc.).  However, for serious situations like threats, cyber bullying, and ongoing silent treatment, a girl needs an adult partner to help her through the problem.

Knowing when and how to ignore, to speak up, and to get help is a skill set that will serve a girl well throughout her life.

© 2010 A Way Through, LLC

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

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Calling the Other Mother

Recently, I was speaking with a group of 100 parents on the topic of When Girls Hurt Girls™.  I was asked a question which I hear frequently…  “Why is call the other girl’s parents not listed as one of your 12 strategies for emotional bullying?”  My answer is simple…  Because it doesn’t work.  More often than not, calling the other girl’s parents exacerbates the situation and makes it worse for your daughter.  The exception to this rule is when you already have a positive relationship established with the other parents.

Here’s another reason to consider for not calling.  What message does this send to your daughter?  I’ll tell you what message she will hear… “I’ll solve your problems for you.”  Here’s where it’s helpful to step back, way back, and look at what your goal is.  Sure, your immediate goal is to help your daughter get out of this hurtful situation.  But what is the bigger goal?  For me, the bigger goal is always to help my children become independent problem solvers.  Taking on their problems doesn’t foster independent thinking.

Telling Her Teacher

If you’re not going to do what pops in your mind first – call the other girl’s parents – what should you do?  Now, this may sound like I’m contradicting myself, but, I suggest that you tell your daughter’s teacher.  It is interesting to me that many parents are reluctant to do this.  They fear retribution.

Here’s what parents fear:  My daughter’s teacher will tell the principal, who will call the other girl into his/her office.  The other girl will get angry and will get back at my daughter.  Revenge for my daughter is scarier than what she is dealing with now.

Here’s the deal, though.  More often than not, teachers, counselors, and principals are effective at providing your daughter with a support system that she so desperately needs at school when she is being bullied.  Sure, there are exceptions, but my experience tells me that keeping school staff informed when a girl is struggling with relational aggression usually helps her.

Mentoring Your Daughter

Is telling your daughter’s teacher the same as trying to solve her problems for her?  No.  It is important to remember your role in your daughter’s problems.  Your role is that of wise mentor.  Your job is to help position her where she can thrive.  Then, your work is to guide her behind the scenes.  In a female bullying situation, this looks like:

  • Active listening without judgment
  • Role playing with well-written scripts
  • Letting her know you have confidence that she will solve her problem
  • Sharing effective strategies for her to choose from

Life is a joy, and life can be hard.  When your daughter is in the hard times, remember your role as wise mentor.  Give her the tools and support she needs, then stand back and watch her grow.

© 2010 A Way Through, LLC

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

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Untitled Document When Girls Hurt Girls™ Parent Pack

Do you feel unequipped to help your daughter or students navigate painful friendships?

Finally, the instruction manual you need to help your Kindergarten – Grade 8 daughter or students find their way through painful friendships
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Listen to the program introduction here.

When Girls Hurt Girls™ is a home practice guide for parents who want to help their hurting daughters, but don’t know where to start. It's also PERFECT for use in school or small group settings.

Through loving discussions and role-play exercises, your daughter or students will connect with their personal power and gain the confidence to resolve conflicts and attract the right kind of friendships to their lives.

REMEMBER: Works great for educators and group/team leaders too!  

Untitled Document


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